Friday, February 5, 2010

There may be some readers from yesterday who imagine I am bitter or hate men, but be assured that is not the case at all.  I love my dad, I forgave my ex and we are friends, and I have daily chats with both my brothers and I am proud to death of my sons.  I love men!  What I say here is based on long experience observing over and over the same situations ending with  the same results.  I read somewhere that a definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over expecting different results.  That seems to be the case in Morocco with some relationship situations.

One thing I failed to mention about street harassment yesterday is that a Moroccan woman told me the street is the meeting place in Morocco.  Women go there to meet men and harassment is the opening bid.  So far nobody I have asked has agreed with this, but it must be true for some women since she said it.  Another good reason why you should tolerate advances from strange men.  They just want to date you.

So lets' talk now about passport marriages.  There is a lottery in Morocco and anybody who has been here any length of time will support this statement.  If the guys who want out ask enough women, eventually one is bound to say yes.  I have seen it happen.  Most of the hustlers on the street when my son was here five years ago are now married to foreign women.  Those who aren't are still hanging around foreign women, knowing it's just a matter of time.

So how does this work?  Guy sees girl and starts the harassment.  He says nice things like Gazelle and I love you and You are so beautiful.   It's funny at first, especially the part about paying your parents in camels.  Young women, and older women, find this quite charming.  They feel like they should respond and the game begins.  But, believe me, love as you know it, especially love at first sight, does not exist in Morocco when you are talking marriage or lifelong companionship.  And, how can you determine a life partner's qualification in just a matter of weeks or months?  How can you decide that your future tied to a man with an elementary school education is going to work?  Even a literary education in university lacks all background in science and math.  Not at all well-rounded.  Consider this, no math and science background means one cannot pass the basic GRE.

Frankl;y, the most common reason I hear for marrying a Moroccan is that he needs "help" or a "helpng hand" or that the woman can "make a difference in somebody's life".  My advice? Go find a charity or an NGO and sign on to help if you are so inclined.  That is hardly a reason to marry someone and go through the hassle of bringing them to your home country.  Years ago, I brought home a box of muumuu dresses from Hawaii.  I had loved them dearly in Hawaii and they were beautiful, but outside of Hawaii they were quite ridiculous.  Since they were only pieces of fabric, it was easy to put them back in the box and send them home.  Not so easy with a human being.

Back in the day, my friends all got married because they were in love or they wanted to settle down and raise a family.  I don't hear that here.  I don't hear women say they want to settle in Morocco or raise little Moroccans. They want to take their man home and give him a socio-economic boost. He "deserves" better than what he can get here.  The idea of turning up with an exotic hubby is romantic.  The idea of turning up with man young enough to be your son . . . let's not go there.  Fact is, this is Morocco and it was made for and made by Moroccans.  Sorry, but they are not fish out of water in their own country no matter how much of a bleeding-heart you want to be. 

I love Morocco and I have enjoyed all of my time in this country.  I love the people I have befriended and the ones I consider family and I am grateful for all that I have learned, shared and experienced here.  What I like about my frineds is that they feel the same way.  They love Morocco and they are proud of their country and their culture.  They make no excuses for the bad and take it alongside the good because that is life.  No place is perfect, no place is going to solve your problems for you.  A passport marriage to a place you can't possibly imagine, where streets are paved of gold and a woman supports you while playing housemaid ... let's not go there. 


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